Deep in the meadow
by RosebudBlooming
Summary: Katniss is older now, forced to grow up too quickly. She loves her daughter Hazel with all her heart, but someone is missing from the happy family. Find out what happened to katniss and peeta after Mockingjay came to a close. Warning: creative licence has been taken, includes spoilers for all 3 books.


_Deep in the meadow, under__ the willow,_

_A bed of grass, a s__oft green pillow,_

_Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes, and when again they open,_

_The sun will rise._

The cries quieten. The screaming quiets to a shriek, the shriek to a sob, the sob to a whimper, the whimper, to quiet.

Quiet.

I haven't heard it in so long I had almost forgotten what it felt like. Almost.

It visits me in my nightmares, a songbird unable to sing, unable to cry out. Me. Watching Prim picked for the reaping. And in these dreams I am unable to volunteer, to move, to speak, to do anything. I fall, deep deep down underground, locked in a bunker in 13, watching behind glass as Prim is blown sky high. Then I watch as my Father is blown to bits, and then I see that it is Gale pushing the button that condemns them to their death.

I have this dream every night, and when I wake up screaming, it is my baby girl, my perfect little baby girl, with the bright, blue eyes of her father, and my wispy dark hair framing her perfect little face, that reminds me where I am, who I am, what I live for.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm _

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm,_

_Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true,_

_Here is the place, where I love you._

Her eyelids flutter shut, and her breathing steadies.

I look towards the other side of the bed. The side of the bed that was once occupied by Peeta's warm body is cold. Filled instead by the tiny, frail little being that I would give up everything to protect.

Peeta. I allowed myself to forget about him. To banish him to the tiny corner of my brain where I lock him, imprison him, forcing myself to not think of him. But just like a prisoner, he screams, calls my name, begs for his freedom, and sometimes I just can't ignore him.

Like now.

So I unlock his prison cell, and the constant screaming in my head quietens. I allow myself to think about the blue of his eyes, so warm and bright. The warm hands that cradled me when I awoke from the nightmares that plagued me, still plague me. The lips that felt so soft and tender against my own.

The lips that uttered his last words, as he said goodbye to me and my baby. Promising me that it was better this way. That if he went all mutt he wouldn't be able to hurt me or the baby.

At first I was puzzled. But then I saw him raise the berries to his lips. It was then that I realised I was still in the games. I had never left. And I still haven't. Because even though the capitol and the whole of Panem don't watch as he holds the berries to his lips, I do, and all I can do is stand and watch, a mere spectator as he dies, because of the capitol. Because of me.

Add his name to my list of kills please?

_Deep in the meadow, hidden far away,_

_A cloak of leaves, a moonbeam Ray,_

_Forget your woes, and let your troubles lay,_

_And when again it's morning, they'll wash away._

The list grows long.

Prim,

Peeta,

Madge,

Cinna,

Finnick,

Mags,

Glimmer,

Marvel,

Coin,

It continues. For a long time. But as I kiss my beloved baby, my darling Hazel, on the forehead, between her beautiful eyes, I feel my sorrow melting away, the pain, the hunger, the lies that eat me up wash away in my desire to be loved.

Peeta loved me once.

But he left me.

He left me.

So now the only person I know who loves me unconditionally is Hazel.

And I love her.

More than I can say. I was never good with words. Peeta did my talking for me. But this mockingjay can no longer remain silent.

So I will fly from my cage and I will

Sing.

_Here it's safe, here it's warm _

_Here the daisies guard you from every harm_

_Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true,_

_Here is the place, where I love you_


End file.
